What demisexual means
Someone who is demisexual only experiences sexual attraction to a person once they have built a close emotional connection with them. Without that bond, they rarely or never feel sexual attraction, however good-looking someone is.
It sits on the asexual spectrum, sometimes called "ace". Asexual people experience little or no sexual attraction; demisexual people can, but only in specific circumstances.
Demisexuality is about attraction, not about who someone is attracted to, so a demisexual person can also be straight, gay, bisexual or pansexual. See our guide What does pansexual mean?.
Signs you might be demisexual
You rarely feel attracted to strangers or celebrities, and do not understand "instant" sexual attraction. Your attraction to someone grew only after you became close friends or partners.
Hook-up apps and one-night stands do not appeal, not because of morals but because the attraction simply is not there.
Only you can decide whether the label fits. Some people find it helpful to have a word for their experience; others do not need one.
The demisexual flag
The demisexual flag has a black triangle on the left, with white, purple and grey stripes. Black represents asexuality, grey the grey area between sexual and asexual, white sexuality, and purple community.
Demisexual people are part of the wider LGBTQ+ and asexual community, and asexual awareness week each October includes demisexual people.
Searches for the term have grown a lot as more people discover it describes their experience.
Common myths
Demisexuality is not the same as "waiting until you know someone" by choice. It is about when attraction happens, not a decision about when to have sex.
Demisexual people can have a strong sex drive and a happy sex life with a partner they are bonded with. It is not a lack of interest in sex in general.
If a partner tells you they are demisexual, the best thing is to take the time to build trust. Our guide to consent and boundaries covers respectful dating.
Your questions, answered
What is a demisexual person?
Someone who only feels sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond.
Is demisexual part of LGBTQ+?
Yes, it is on the asexual spectrum, which is part of the wider LGBTQ+ community.
Can demisexual people enjoy sex?
Yes, many have fulfilling sex lives with partners they feel close to.
