What is a cougar?

What a cougar is

A cougar is an older woman, usually over 40, who dates or is attracted to noticeably younger men, often by ten years or more. The man is sometimes called a "cub".

The image is of a confident, independent woman who knows what she wants. Many women embrace the word; others find it a cliché, since older men dating younger women rarely get a special label.

Age-gap relationships of this kind have become more visible and accepted, with well-known couples in film, music and politics.

Where the word comes from

The term is said to have started in Canada in the late 1990s, and was popularised by the 2001 book Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men by Valerie Gibson.

TV shows such as Cougar Town and dating sites aimed at older women and younger men made it mainstream in the 2000s.

A "puma" is sometimes used for a woman in her thirties dating younger men, before she reaches "cougar" age.

Cougar vs MILF and other terms

A cougar is defined by who she dates. A MILF is defined by how she is seen: an attractive older woman, whether or not she dates younger men. See our guide What is a MILF?.

A sugar mummy is an older woman who financially supports a younger partner, which is different again; our guide to sugar daddies explains that kind of arrangement.

The male version of a cougar is sometimes called a "manther", though older men dating younger women are usually just called that.

Dating an older woman

Confidence, honesty and maturity matter far more than age. Many older women are clear about what they want, so be clear too: casual, serious or somewhere in between.

Avoid calling her a cougar unless she uses the word herself. Treat the age gap as a fact, not the whole story.

As in any dating, respect boundaries and agree things openly; see our guide to consent and boundaries.