How to choose, use and clean sex toys

Start with a body-safe material

The material matters more than the shape, the colour or the number of settings. Body-safe materials are non-porous, which means they don't have tiny holes where bacteria can hide, and they don't contain chemicals that can irritate skin. The best options are medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel and hard ABS plastic.

Porous materials such as jelly, rubber, PVC, TPE and TPR are cheaper and softer, but they can never be cleaned completely and they wear out faster. Some cheaper products have also been found to contain phthalates, softening chemicals best avoided. If a toy has a strong chemical smell or feels sticky out of the box, that's a warning sign. If you do buy a porous toy, use it with a condom and replace it regularly.

Choosing your first toy

Simple is usually best to begin with. A small, versatile vibrator or a basic massager is easy to use alone or with a partner and lets you work out what you like. Rechargeable toys save money on batteries and are often more powerful, and a waterproof rating makes cleaning much easier.

Good adult shops are happy to help. Staff field these questions all day and won't bat an eyelid, so ask about materials, noise levels, warranties and returns. Our guide to adult shops in person and online explains what to expect, and you can find stores near you in our adult shop listings.

Using toys and picking the right lube

Most people find toys more comfortable with lube, and the type you use matters. Water-based lube is safe with every toy material and with condoms, so it's the best all-rounder. Silicone lube lasts longer but can damage silicone toys over time, so keep it for glass, steel or hard plastic, or test it on a small area first. Oil-based lubes can break down latex condoms and some materials, so use them with care.

Go slowly, use plenty of lube and stop if anything hurts. Anything designed for anal use should have a flared base or a retrieval handle. If you're using a toy with a partner, talk about it beforehand and make sure you're both keen. Exploring together is meant to be fun, and our guide to what a kink is may be useful if you'd like to try something new.

How to clean sex toys by material

Clean every toy before its first use and after every use. For most toys, warm water and a mild, unscented soap are all you need. Rinse thoroughly and let the toy dry fully in the air or pat it dry with a clean, lint-free towel. Dedicated toy cleaners are handy but not essential.

Silicone, glass and stainless steel toys without motors can usually be boiled for a few minutes to sterilise them, though check the manufacturer's guidance first and let glass warm and cool gradually so it doesn't crack. Motorised toys should never be boiled. If they're waterproof you can wash them under the tap; if not, wipe them with a damp soapy cloth and keep water away from charging ports.

Porous toys can't be sterilised, so wash them gently with soap and water, let them dry completely and don't share them between partners. Avoid harsh chemicals, bleach and alcohol-based products on any toy, as they can damage surfaces and irritate skin.

Storage and when to replace

Store toys clean and dry, ideally in a cloth pouch or their original box, and keep different materials apart, because some softer materials react with each other when they touch. Remove batteries from toys you rarely use, and keep everything somewhere cool, out of direct sunlight and away from children.

Replace a toy if it develops cracks, tears, a sticky texture, discolouration or a smell that won't wash out. Porous toys usually need replacing much sooner than silicone, glass or steel, which can last for many years with good care.

Buying discreetly in the UK

Most established UK retailers ship in plain, unbranded packaging, and many use a neutral company name on bank statements. Check the retailer's delivery and privacy pages if that matters to you. Buying in person is also perfectly normal, and many shops have quiet times if you'd rather browse without others around.

Stick to reputable retailers with clear material information, proper contact details and a returns policy. Unusually cheap toys from unknown sellers are where poor materials tend to turn up. You must be 18 or over to buy from adult shops, and our guide to your privacy has more on staying discreet online.